brain stew

i feel gross. ahah kind of like the title. i feel like my brain is being mushed around in my head, forming a stew of brain juice and globs of my brain floating around in it.. disgusting description, sorry! but it's exactly how if eel. my doctor's appointment was alright. asked me loads of questions about pains, joints, medications, hospitalizations, mental health, period issues, etc, then all of a sudden - "do you have any history of anorexia?" my mind froze for a second. i didn't actually pause enoguh for anything to come of it, but it felt like so long in my head. i just said ah, no, like i did to mostly everything else - no medications, no hospitalizations, no period issues - and he stopped there for some reason and explained why. because i ahve a history of near anemia, really low iron, he explained that anorexics, or people with just really limited diets, have a zinc defficiency.. i was quite confused as to why he was explaining this to me, but mentioned 'worn out hair, dull and pale skin, colourless' and later one commented on how he noticed my skin was pale as could be and completely colourless - and i had makeup on, including blush. i brushed past it and acted like ii didn't react or think twice of anything he said. it was just weird.
anyway, monday was shit for me, ate like shit, ughh, then yesterday was alright. just alright. i did stop eating at about five though at least. now today, i ahve no appetite. none. i had my coffee, had my apple, but i didn't even want it. it tasted good, really good actually, better than usual, but i didn't want it. i had like half of it and threw it out. threw out my lunch before even leaving for school. i don't even want water though, which is weird. the doctor also said i was salt deffiecient, hah! i hate salt. he says i have an aversion to it, which i do. i could've answered some questions differently or said some things differently to make him not talk about eating disorders or anything, but i didn't think much of it when i mentioned my low iron history or how i hate salt. too late though. anyway back on track: i don't know what's up with me. he said also once people with limited diets lose too much zinc, they stop enjoying food as much, food loses its taste for them. that was my first thought, but for one thing i've never had a history of low zinc, though he wants blood work done on me for everything soon (good excuse to fast for at least half a day), and also the apple tasted delicious. i just didn't want it.
i'll weigh in on saturday if i can, and if not then for sure sunday. if i go over 101 lbs i'll be pissed. under, rejoiced. the same, indifferent. i just feel very indifferent right now. i just didn't want the apple..