attention attention

i'm thinking i might need to do some photo updates as well. i know i've only just got started here and it would be nice to have more followers, i do enjoy not having many.. for the sole reason that if i do upload photos, not many people would see them, hah. i'm thinking i should. i wish i could get some feedback though on that, if i should or not.. i don't really have any when i was 120 lbs so that doesn't help.. well i do but i'm always in concealing clothes, so they're not that great for 'before' pictures. of course i can always take some now at 100 lbs for reference to when i lose eight pounds to my gw. right now, my gw is 97 lbs.. but after that, i don't care if it's a slow loss and takes months, iw ill get to 92 lbs! yay optimism.. always comes to me for the weirdest things. i'm not complaining though, because they're always things i really really want, or need. this, i need.
so day two of the detox went well tuesday, yesterday. seeing how sugar is as addictive as heroin, and yes my whole family and i believe i am literally addicted to it, it is so difficult for me. i fell into cravings again. i had two tablespoons of peanut butter.. fuck. thank god it was only peanut butter that i wanted though and not chocolate or caramel or ice cream or anything.. just wanted some peanut butter. i know that's like 180 cals right there.. but then i was still definitely under 800 cals, my soup detox is really an excuse to lose weight quicker. my boyfriend knows that, i just won't admit it to anyone else. he says he's only not stopping me because it's temporary.. and at least he understands i need to do this for my mental health. i love him. i love how he's still concerned and is watching what i eat and cals and all that, yet he still lets me have control over it because he understands the psychological need i have.. he won't let me get too unhealthy, and he'll let me do what i need to unless i get like under 90 lbs. and that isn't even my goal, but if it happens and i become 'sick' then we'll see what we'll do. but at 97 lbs he even admitted i was completely healthy (and i was!) and even said at 95 lbs, my old gw, i would be healthy. 92 lbs is only 3 lbs less.. it can't make that much of a difference. i'm a smaller person in general i guess, i have great genes from my daddy. he's tall and super skinny and has coke (never diet) all the time, it's his weakness, and food like mozza sticks and cookies and amazing ice cream.. not a lot mind you but no matter what he's super skinny, and like over six feet tall. i got his genes, thankfully. but being a girl i still have to work to stay in shape.. we need more body fat than men to carry children and etc.. sucks, but we can't do anything about that part. so i love my boyfriend. he refuses to let me be unhealthy, and he watches what i eat when i'm with him - not allowing me too much or any junk, but forces like protein powder in me and healthier foods, always whole wheat bread, etc (though i grew up with whole wheat, wasn't allowed white bread, so that's not a big thing.. i don't even eat bread, toast, sandwiches, whatever. only garlic bread occasionally.. garlic is a weakness! at least a healthy one!) but he still supports me when i really need it =)
so day three of detox, or really my five day crash diet, as i'm getting like 300 to 700 cals les than my usual diet, is going alright.. i had my little thing of sugar to satisfy the addict in me in the morning, got it over with early so tonight i can go to bed content and relatively empty. sticking with black coffee and apple for breakfast, done with along with the sugar, and lunch is cucumbers and celery, then dinner, small salad with only vegetables and my homemade soup with celery, broccoli, and carrots in vegetable broth with oregano and pepper. a bit too much pepper in it, but it is good i must say. so i'll try and have dinner later than usual, still before seven, to stay fuller longer.. i even woke up with a slight morning stomach! after my peanut butter attack! good news eh. and getting my sugar done with early should help with tomorrow's morning stomach.. so excited to see it and feel it. i love the feeling of it too; satisfaction. looking forward to feeling satisfied in the morning. as for the rest of the day, i know i can do it. got my sugar done with, and the day looks good (other than the freezing rain out of nowhere) for me. so i wish i had some opinions, yay or nay on the photos, and other opinions on them.. should i be fully clothed, paritally clothed? some of both maybe? if i don't get any opinions in the next two weeks i'll make a decision i guess, which is most likely what will happen, i'm thinking. not really popular here ahah still new to this. oh well i really don't mind, but now is time for some work; joy.
if i can stay strong for the rest of the day, anyone can.