well i woke up without morning stomach. it was to be expected anyway, fucking late night timmies run.. made a good choice at least, small smoothie with no yogurt (minimal calories) but i should've just said no to everything. i've been getting good at no! but what happened? ugh.. well today i'm starting my new limit, 900 cals. i feel like i ballooned up to 100 lbs again over the course of the weekend. i need more movies to watch and i need to find a way to get these books to read. speaking of which, 'speak' was a good movie.. it made me cry quite a bit actually, which it shouldn't have as it's not the type of movie i don't think that would make someone cry.. i guess i can just relate.. not exactly relate, with the exact same thing, but related to what happened to her.. and no one thought it was a big deal, when i told anyone. so it really made me cry when her friend didn't believe her, i've been there at least.. anyway.. well i'm hoping my new 900 cals limit will make a difference. no eating past 7:30, no going past 900 cals. i can dot his.. i've already had my treat for the day, too - a tiny maple sucker, about 22.5 cals but i'll round up to 23 cals. the label said 45 cals for two, and i had two in my pocket, thinking it wasn't that much.. but i saw my friend who's usually late so i went with her while she got a late slip and a drink, and she loves maple too so i offered her one. she took it thankfully and i was left with just one.. so, 23 cals it is. i could have so many more.. there's a bag in my locker, courtesy of one of my best friends who i share a locker with - and she said i could have some. i kind of freaked out at her, now i realise it must have been odd xP she was walking away to class and turned and said 'oh yeah you can have some of those by the way' and i just stared at her and kind of exclaimed 'no! no no no! i can't!' and she just looked at me like '..ohhh kay then don't' and kind of smiled while saying it but i realise i must have seemed odd doing that. i didn't mean to freak, but if she hadn't said that i wouldn't have thought of having one.. i'm not trying to blame her, i take full responsibility. but i'm glad i only had one. and that was my breakfast, along with green tea at 7:45 this morning. yum. and so far so good with hiding my fibre1 in my second locker.. i know, first day of school this week, but it's always the first thing i eat, between first two periods or during one of the two. like that cuts out 140 cals automatically - with my 1100 cals diet, that means it turns into a 960 cals diet.. all the effort i really have to do now is cut out 60 cals more. shouldn't be that hard, right?
hah, we'll see.
of course i know why i'm doing this right now, starting right now - i have not gotten past 97 lbs that i know of in god knows how long. getting to even 96.5 lbs would be amazing! showing my progress. i've never tried going on a lower calorie diet than 1100 cals.. and with normal logic, if i made it to 97 lbs (granted, over a lot of time..) with that, then with 900 cals i should get there a lot quicker. 900 cals. i'm just going to stay fat if i continue eating how i did this past easter weekend.. and god forbid probably get fatter.. i expect to be 97 lbs again by the first week or so of may. 900 cals. all i really need to do is cut out 60 cals more.
900 cals.
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