come on

i was alright yesterday, despite the whole mother hiding fat in my breakfast thing, i mean did she really think i wouldn't notice butter drenched egg whites? she even tried to say it was just one, and i asked her if she measured out what the acrton said was one. she said now, she made it the size of a normal egg on the pan. well clearly eggs have yolks, and it spreads out on the pan a lot so she must have put like three or four egg whites! i know not calorie overkill, more like really decent for a breakfast, except for the fact that it was drenched in butter. and she force fed me coconut oil (whcih she also tried to say is the lowest calorie oil - try highest! 130 cals for one fucking tablespoon! thank god i didn't have a whole tablespoon) and the fact that i eat an apple as well, which the label says is 80 cals per apple on average, but i maybe have half, i say i have 60 cals per apple. i never really go into the core.. eat all the skin though, most of the fibre's there - or that's what my mum would tell me. so in all it was a shaky, uncertain start to the calories for the day. lunch, fine, 35 cals yogurt right and my vegetable, no more than 60 cals. so i was nervous for the evening. i had a whole plan right, as my last post says, but my mum couldn't get me til 1030 at night. ridiculous. i needed to shower too. it was pouring, and my boyfriend felt sore from work, so no running. we did get some other exercise, but not much, we had a time limit, ahah. but i ended up eating some lasagna.. all homemade at least, and i didn't have much.. i tiny corner piece. there was no cheese inside it, just some on top, and i didn't get it all 'cause it was melted into chunks of onions and stuff in the sauce that i hate - i ate the noodles, only two small squares, some ground turkey in it, and some cheese. that was fine. then there was the belgian bread. delicious. and butter. fuck. i had three pieces. they're not that big of pieces, and for one quarter of the whole loaf, it was 237 cals. at most i had 300 cals with bread, then the butter added.. all in all, i did not exceed 1200 cals. like come onn, body! listen to me for once! i even gave in and had some fidge.. >< only 140 cals worth.. two small ish pieces.. sigh. wish i didn't have that or the bread. my body wouldn't let me say no it seemed, terrible sugar cravings, and that's all white bread turns into in your body. i can do better next time, i knwo i can. i can only stay late once a week like last year.
well i know it sounds like a lot, but my BMR is 1309.1 so that's good, especially 'cause we did some skipping activity in one of my classes and walking all day and just general activity.. i still woke up with a pretty good morning stomach - not near the best i've seen on me, but good enough that i wasn't that upset at all; an improvement. i'm even wearing a tight 'wifebeater' type tank top, with a crop top over it - short enoguh that i can't wear it alone, so, short enough that my stomach is quite visible from the tight tank top, which is white, of all revealing colours. i suck in of course, especially when sitting, but i feel semi good in it. wearing just a crop top this friday, so my weigh in better make me happy! or that plan is ruined ahah. it's not that short, just a bit of belly shows, and if my weigh in's good, i wont' even wear a tank top underneath.
right so you know that girl i was talking about last year who was diagnosed in eighth grade, or well like four years ago now? who i put a note in her locker and whatnot? yeah i sit beside her in one of my courses, and it even talks about nutrition and calories and all that later on in the curriculum. i also sit next to my boyfriend on the other side, and i talk about calories and the mother feeding me fat thing in that class, just so she'll hear and maybe catch on, whether or not she read the notes last year. she'd know, out of everybody, i think. i can also tell when she listens, and i've noticed her listening to the fat thing. good start.. i dont' want her to know know, just to have an idea kind of knowing.. i don't know why, don't ask, my mind's weird. i have to print things for my next course, i guess i'll get on with it! sorry for all the rambling again, i miss this, and you guys! i know it keep saying that ahah but i really really mean it. talk tomorrow if i can!