closer

so i'll start with the bad. actually, i can't think of much good. but if i do, i'll write it down after the bad, the consistent bad. so, yesterday i had a little binge. i mean little because it's nothin like my old binges. god, no. i've matured in that sense, my binges aren't crazy like they used to be. now they're slightly controlled. had about 1000 cals, good estimate for it.. i know it sucls. but the rest of my food was like.. 300, 400 cals? not the worst. especially since in my exercise science class yesterday my boyfriend and i discovered the nutrition/weight/health section in our textbook, and since he's so into health and exercise we went through it a bit, and came across the BMR and RMR definitions. they're absically the same thing apparently, but although everyone says BMR, RMR is actually mainly used now. they had the equation for it, so my boyfriend did it for me, and it's apparently like 1329.48! i'm happy with that ahah, and then that's if you just literally lie still all day, awake. and i'm not sure if it's for 24 hours or 12, but whatever it's great. especially because i'm more active in general so mine will personally be higher - the equation doesn't account for muscle mass or activity, well i mean it's impossible. but i'm fairly active so mine will be higher in general, then i do activity on top of that so there's even more.
and i worked yesterday, a lot of walking, got kind of busy in the restaurant. had a few bites of the staff meal as planned, some meat, and a couple bites of noodles, and packed it away. i had a bowl of tomato vegetable soup, no cream, so it was pretty healthy actually. brought two rice wraps for my boyfriend along with the remainder of the staff meal, and i have my vegetables and yogurt, and an apple. i'm happy with it. i guess another good thing that came out of my little binge yesterday si that last night i told my boyfriend we were going for a run tonight, so we are. and tomorrow. looking forward to running! get my ass in gear, so maybe the binge was meant to happen, to get me to move again. i tried making a schedule for running, my boyfriend's so into that, but i don't have time during the week.. i mean i can run monday and wednesday, along with friday/saturday/sunday.. but thsoe aren't my shower nights during the week so i'd look gross and hair up for school, which i hate. hate my hair up. it's only up now 'cause i did not want to shower and blowdry last night after work.. rinsed off and just left my hair up. redid it this morning of course.
two egg whites for breakfast again, hot sauce too, good metabolism booster, along with the cinnamon stick i put in all my coffee/tea (i eat it when the drink is done too). almost a whole cup of coffee, black of course, and now i'm having that 'deatox/weight' tea in a tim hortons travel mug. feeling good. basically had a morning stomach too! not a real good one, but a slight one. it felt empty at least, yay. oh fuck i forgot to bring my lentil soup to have tonight at my boyfriend's.. i'm doomed for whatever calorie laden food his mum prepares/him and i prepare for everyone. sigh. it's always calorie laden. had to just have that one little thing to put a damper on my day. not like it was going along swimmingly, but it just got worse. i'll find some way around the unhealthy food.
as for the animosity side, well, i got the plan. almost all the details. i just need to be careful what i do at school.. because they can go through our individual logins and check what we've been doing online at school. so no googling obvious things like her work or whatnot, or i'm prime suspect number one. maybe i'm going a little crazy with this ahah a little paranoid, but whatever, it's good practice to leave no trail. i'll figure it all out.
i'm closer to both my goals, in ana, and in animosity. running again, and have a good plan for both.