goals

i feel absolutely awful. i feel incredibly nauseous and all i've had was coffee.. you might think that's why, but nope. i had not one ounce of healthy food yesterday. i feel terrible. i didn't exceed 2500 cals at least, which is probably what i burned with my BMR and the continous walking i did (not an excuse i know, at least i revved my metabolism for the next week) but it was all junk. fuck me, i know it was stupid. and saturday i didn't eat the best - i ate fine, then had a little junk too. and tonight there's dairy queen ice cream cake, best cake in the world. i checked, 1/8 of an 8" round cake (probably what we're bringing to my cousins) is 370 cals. i'll make sure it's cut into more than eight pieces, and still say it's about 350 cals for a slice. i won't eat dinner, i'll say i'm having it at my boyfriend's after i leave my cousins', but i'll tell him i ate at my cousins'. always works. and him and i are going for another long run too. and other than that i'm eating my yogurt and my celery and cucumbers, and yeah most likely a little (healthy!) something at my boyfriend's after the run, like a couple eggs, protein of some sort.
so, i know my weight now. 100 lbs. goddamn. but, i made a plan for myself that i think is easily followed. basically, lose 1 lbs a week. simple. fast, but not so fast that i give in or get too weak. and, if i manage this, which i totally can, i can reach amazing goals. here are the rules.

- lose 1 lbs per week.
   - maximum 800 cals per day.
   - run minimum 5 times per week, for minimum 10 minutes each time.
- if succeeded
   - 95-96 lbs by hallowe'en.
   - 94-95 lbs by birthday.
   - 87-90 lbs by christmas.
- if failed
   - fast (maximum 300 cals) for minimum one day the following week.
   - reach maximum 97 lbs by birthday.

now i know the first part will be easy, to get to 97 lbs.. but, to get the coveted 96 lbs? a different thing. i've never reached it. i can't wait. only 1 lbs a week.. of course, once i get to 95 lbs, it will be very hard to lose more, so i don't expect below 90 lbs at all for christmas.. and i see all my family then and i don't want to alarm anyone, because some of them may have a keener eye than my close family. i'm alright with not being under 90 lbs though, for now, i mean we'll see once i get to 95 lbs ahah and lower, but i feel alright with it as of now. besides that's way in the future, i don't have to worry about it. right now i have to worry about getting into the wonderful double digits again.