feel really odd saying that i feel good, because it's not quite 'good' that i feel. it's not bad, it's not excellent, it's not terrible, it's just odd. a good odd. i know i keep saying this ahah but i really want to upload a picture! if i do as well as i want to this week, i'll get one of my best friends to take it for me on friday, if we end up finalising our plans. i was 98.5 lbs on saturday morning, before my first of four thanksgivings. yes, four fucking thanksgivings. fuck thanksgiving, fuck family time, fuck food. but before all that, i was 98.5 lbs completely unexpectedly! thought i had gained, thought i was for sure at at least 101 lbs if not 102 lbs.. but i am so not complaining. but then there came three fucking thanksgivings in succession. my fourth is this sunday. surprisingly waking up this morning after the three, i didn't feel humongous. i felt relatively empty.. probably because my body began to 'return to normal digesting and metabolising' and whatnot after being restricted.. i can't explain it well out loud, but in my head it makes perfect sense. i'm going to restrict perfectly til this sunday though to see how well i do, to reverse damage done this weekend, and to prevent dame from being done this sunday. also, back off dairy again, ran my first 5k ever this weekend on sunday, and i did very well for my first! time: 26:01 minutes, first 5k ever, and my throat practically closed - doctors have thought i was asthmatic since i was three apparently but i never did anything about it and it never really bothers me, wheezing or whatever. first time it decided to close. took me off dairy as a kid and everything went well with all other symptoms, so hopefully going off dairy will rid of my breathing issues if it's not asthma. next race: about a month, going to beat 25 minutes. so anyway no dairy means no whipped potatoes and no butter, so consequently no bread, and no ice cream or whipped cream and potentially no pie. i'm good with all that.
also, friday, went to that party thing.. had fun, til right before i was going to leave, i was hugging a guy goodbye who was so wasted. in his drunken stupor he kept saying how much he loved me and my boyfriend together, and telling us to never break up, we were awesome, and great friends, etc etc. he wouldn't let go as we were hugging, all the while saying how awesome my boyfriend and i are together, me laughing, and i had a crop top on. everyone agreed i looked hot. tight skinny jeans, short loose crop top, none of it mine even. so as he was hugging me, he pulled the back up unintentionally, for the whole kitchen table playing cards to see - but to see what, my back? wow, so scandalous, eh? so my link crew partner said jokingly 'dana, pull your shirt down you look like a whore!' smile laughing at me. then SHE, that fucking bitch i've talked about, with my boyfriend and everything, who hasn't said one word to me and vice versa for the past eight months since i found out, had the nerve to say 'yeah. you kinda do.' i was infuriated. i was the bigger person, knowing it would piss her off, and didn't even look the bitch in the eye as i laughed to my link partner and exaggerated pulling it down at the back to say 'is that better?' to her, ignoring the bitch entirely, and walked out of the room. but fuck, am i not going to forget this. one of my best friends who i have plans with friday, and her friend who i'm pretty alright friends with also, are incredibly confused, just as much as i am, about why she said anything. they're going to find out for me, best as they can. but if she thinks that just because i acted as the bigger person, i'm going to forget it, she's fucking insane. i was wearing her best friends' clothing as well, not even my own. pretty much insulting them too. she'll get what's coming to her.
ugh. anyway. been reading portia de rossi's bok, unbearable lightness. i am in love with it, halfway through. how she started it out feels exactly how i'm starting out.. it's amazing to read about someone else's journey that hits so close to home on all accounts, except for height/weight ratio. also going to do some renovations on my blog, bored with it.
depsite the bitch, the fucking thanksgivings, and the ever present nausea, i'm feeling a good odd. can't wait to hit 97 lbs once again.
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