teenagers

americaneagle, i realllly hope you see this, i've been trying to reply to your posts, the last two, but no matter what computer i'm on it says 'The following errors were found: Input error: cookie value is null for FormRestoration' word for word.. if anyone has any help for me regarding this, please let me know! i miss commenting on her blog.
i wish i could have been posting this past week, or however long it's been since i last posted.. i just feel all over the place, fattening up, trying to eat well, then feeling twice as bloated the next day, where i would eat more anyway and then wake up the next day way less bloated! what the fuck! i'm getting so sick of it. and now thanksgiving is this weekend. great. like i don't have enough trouble or nagging about food. twice i'm going to my boyfriend's family get togethers.. saturday with his dad's side including old and young cousins (none around his age/my age/same thing) uncles aunts, monday with his mum and sisters. pumpkin pie and whipped cream both times. already agreed with my boyfriend though upon serving sizes and amount of whipped cream allowed (i'm a whipped cream fiend!) and then how my plate will look: one half vegetables, ie green beans and carrots, one third white meat only, the remaining one sixth will be for mashed potatoes with some gravy for both the meat and potatoes - no butter this year! and no dinner rolls. obviously still no liquid calories, never cheat on that unless it's crystal light, which is maximum 10 cals if not 5 cals.
i'm still worried.. also have my first race this sunday! only a 5km but still, it's astart into the race world, even if they're non competitive races basically. saw a commercial for another one later in october, i'm thinking of it too now, if there's a 5km option.. not ready for 10km yet, not just yet.. need to get my ass in gear to run again before the race though this weekend, been slacking. for a reasno though! been sick. terrible cough, stuffed up, sneezing, pms cramps/indigestion/whatever it was. also need to study for a test i missed yesterday because of benig sick, no idea when i ahve to do it, i have to make a rough draft for basically today if not tomorrow by latest in writer's craft for my memoir, and the memories are all there clearly put, but i don't know what my focus is anymore.. the social isolation aspect, or the appearance aspect, or my overall 'why i am who i am' including both. sigh. i feel so fucked.
also, restarted the paleo diet - kind of the four hour body diet, but i'm allowing myself one piece of fruit a day - one small organic apple. i'll do my absolute best to report back tomorrow how i do today with it, ebcause last time i did this diet only for four days i lost about 3 lbs. if i stick with it this time and don't go crazy on the one cheat day per week, i can do so well. i've set up all my ground rules, pretty much the diet, but on cheat days i'm allowing myself one or two things to cheat with, and i must eat the (however minimal) breakfast, lunch, and dinner first, and no eating past midnight on those days. all weekdays, no eating past seven, and weekends other than cheat day, it's eleven. i feel better repeating the rules to myself, keeping them on my ipod with me. and, taking PGX pills - my grandparents do it, or my grandpa does anyway, and has at least twenty bottles of them. i take the second minimum, six a day. but if i feel provisions run out too quickly and it might become noticeable to him things are disappearing faster, i'll cut to four a day, one in the morning, two at lunch, one at dinner. not entirely sure what they do but i haven't binged when i've taken them in the past. whatever i'll track that progress.
also, 'the best little girl in the world - steven levenkron' is a great book. loved it. read int wo days, easy read, but so well done. found spelling errors/typos and grammatical errors though, bothered me, but well done. and she started at my height, 5'4", and 98 lbs, my second lowest weight. so i felt it was a great reference for me. either way a good book, read so many lately, forget some of the titles.. well, more on hold, just waiting to come in now! and i should get to class, starting soon. sigh. hope i don't get fucked up again.
and i'll explain the party tomorrow. ugh.
yay for the lives of teenagers. i may not be a common teenager, the average teenager, but teenagers' lives in general are fucked. personally i just deal with a lot more shit than all the ones i know though. i feel like i'm on tv for one of those shows, with all the issues going on that i haven't even written about here, regardless of the ones i have! i'm a regular live walking teen soap.