people don't always believe in me. they either don't believe i can make it as a clinical psychologist, that i can't maintain an eighty five average, that i won't reach my goal weight, among many other things. then there are the few, namely all of you, who believe we all can do it, not just me. that we can reach our goals, live life how we want, disregarding others who try to hold us back. i know someone at school like this, we somewhat support each other. we're not friends, we don't talk much, my best friend hates her. i dont' hate her. i don't particularly like her either though, we just have this one thing in common, thinness, and on the very rare ocasion we talk, it's solely for the purpose of comparing food, methods of losing, like for her it's more purging, for me i exercise, i run a lot. we talk about what we eat in a given day, how awful fat days feel, how great morning stomach is, etc. it's useful to have someone around me like that, regardless of the fact we talk maybe once every month and a half, on average. instead, i have all of you! i really appreciate you guys, even though i don't get comments really, and only have fifteen followers, i enjoy reading your blogs and feel we're connected anyway. you guys understand and appreciate the puruit of thinness. i appreciate it. i can't talk to other friends without arguments ensuing, or somewhat serious talks.
now i got that out, i am extremely proud of my past three days!
october eleventh:
written about already in 'time is running out', so maximum 350 cals total.
october twelfth:
breakfast
two egg whites 30
coffee 2
32
lunch
apple 60
yogurt 30
celery 10
cucumber 10
110
dinner
soup broth 30
broccoli 130
turkey 150
reggiano parmigiana 90
400
others
coke zero 0
PC diet cola 0
crystal light 10
benefbire 5
15
absolute total: 557 cals
and that's overestimating. i don't eat that much of an apple, i just assume i do. i did not have that much cheese, turkey, and almost deifnitely not broccoli. but to be safe i need to overestimate.
october thirteenth:
breakfast
two egg whites 30
coffee 2
32
lunch
apple 60
yogurt 30
celery 10
cucumber 10
110
dinner
0
others
diet coke 2
lemon 5
crystal light 10
12
absolute total: 154 cals
and now it's the fourteenth. sleepover with one of my best friends.. nervous. we usually binge on these sleepovers.. but also go for three or four hour walks. and we are brisk walkers, we don't stroll along. and right after school we're going to rideau centre, downtown ottawa, to shop. i need new shirts especially, more crop tops too to motivate me to keep my stomach flat! she loves crops, she'll help me out there. and if we stay for a few hours, all that walking.. then pretend to have had dinner there so i don't have to eat at her place, and hopefulllly we don't get junk! i am so close. woke up today extremely nauseous! happen to anybody every from severe restricting? i mean you just read all the calories i've eaten in the past three days, with my BMR and daily activities and working for nearly four and a half hours as a constantly moving hostess last night at under 200 cals.. felt better after i had my egg whites, but because i assumed it was also low blood sugar that made me dizzy as it has before, i had two sips of juice. i feel disgusted,. i had juice. i broke my first rule: no liquid calories unless from fibre supplement or crystal light, one a day. fuck. but i still feel iffy.. dizzy ish, and thankfully empty as can be. feeling odd pains in my chest and stomach area though, hope i shouldn't be worried.. i'm sure it's just adjusting to the new food intake.
also, weighed in at 98 lbs even this morning, half pound loss from saturday morning, and this is after three thanksgivings! hasn't even been a week, and i ate all i wanted on three thanksgivings, and not a week later i lost half a pound! so motivated by this!
i'll need all the support i can get today girls! from the sleepover to just not showing how damn awful i feel right now. send me strength! love you all!
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