time is running out

'and our time is running out, and our time is running out.. you can't push it underground, you can't stop it screaming out; how did it come to this?'
an excellent question.. i really have no idea how it came to this. why did i weigh 101 lbs this morning? surely thanksgivings, although three of them, couldn't make me gain 3 lbs in three days.. could they? a terrifying thought. 98.5 lbs saturday morning, 101.5 lbs this morning, though i did still have pyjamas on, albeit thin, loose ones. i count that as the extra half. it's ridiculous. another one coming, too..
so, to compensate, i ate maximum 350 cals yesterday:
breakfast
black coffee 2
2
lunch
celery 10
cucumber 10
yogurt 30
crystal light 10
60
dinner
chicken broth 40
tomato paste with lentils 150
190
others
sugar free mint 10
excel lemon gum 5
half slice turkey breast 35
10
absolute total: 302 cals
but, i can't trust that that's all i ate. i believe the lentils and tomato paste had more, and i'm really not sure about the turkey breast slices. i barely ate any, giving the rest to my adorable bear of a dog, so i'm estimating half of a slice.. sounds about right actually. the calories though, i'm not sure of. same with the lentils. so although i calculate 302 cals, i say 350 cals. of course no one knows how little i ate. but it will continue. fuck thanksgiving. can't wait to reach my old low, 97 lbs, and to reach a new one - 96 lbs. it will come, if not this weekend, then the next. one more thanksgiving to get through, but if i maintain my intake under 500 cals a day til this sunday, the damage will be prevented. still no ice cream or whipped cream, no potatoes or butter. but to compensate, since everyone knows whipped potatoes are my favourite, slathered with melting butter and thick gravy, i'll stil have as much gravy as i like. and since it's from scratch, roast turkey drippings, there will be a limited amount, so i can't even have all i really want. and white meat only, but that's a given. snacks are a danger, before dinner, yet i can't have dairy so all cheese options, the highest calorie, are out of the question. i don't drink calories except crystal light, so water and diet pop (if they have any even) it is. always magazines to read for us, i can immerse myself in one, or play video games with my younger cousin if need be.
even if i don't always follow my plans perfectly, i need to have one. it's a safety net. to know i'm prepard, i've thought this through, i'm not going into anything with anxiety; i've prepared. i've thought ahead. i have a plan. it feels safe. but my time is running out to prevent the damage, since i have to repair the damage already done this past weekend. i'm terrified i won't be prepared for this sunday, that i won't be back to 98 lbs at least by sunday morning, to be able to have dinner joyfully, normally, that evening. what if the damage is done, and it takes another week to reverse it? this sunday's thanksgiving will only backtrack my progress further. fuck thanksgiving.