wish i had an angel

so that was monday's post, couldn't get to a computer though til today.

now, tuesday is going well! much better than monday.. it was my grandpa's birthday monday too, which does not help. i will admit i dipped my finger in icing from the cake.. i did not eat the cake, i dipped my finger in the icing though, sigh. and i dipped my finger in an oatmeal muffin mix.. that's it though! for the first day i did pretty well. also dinner was two soups instead of just one.. but, under 800 cals i believe, so yay! happy. if i don't get happy with the first small accomplishments i make then i'll never be fully happy with the big ones i make. so here's to the first step! now, i just had some form of exercise, about an hour of volleyball and drills and warmups. not bad, but i wish i could have done more. i think i'll use my elliptical tonight if my dad doesn't get too questioning.. sticking to my soup detox perfectly today though. one apple and coffee already, all vegetables for lunch, and a small salad with my homemade vegetable soup for dinner. looking forward to it. i felt good when i wke up, not exactly morning stomach but pretty damn close. definitely better than what it was when i went to bed. oh yeah i also can't eat past seven pm, except days when i go grocery shopping or come home later than usual it's impossible, so on those nights i make it seven thirty, eight at the latest. i like when it's seven though, i always try for that first, and today it's possible. so tomorrow morning i think i will love my morning stomach; i hope i will. and friday, wow. it should be great. if i weigh myself friday and it happens to be under 100 lbs (my CW) then i'll do my best to stick to under 1000 cals for at least the rest of the weekend and check back monday morning (day off from school), if it's lower than 99 lbs then wow i will be happy and extra careful. at this rate, if i can get to 97 lbs by next friday.. i will be ecstatic.

so new goal here! 99 lbs by this friday, and if that happens, 97 lbs for the 29th!

only issue is i have friday and monday off.. and it's easter time.. already got most of the chocolate so i'm pretty much safe except my mum is sending me something in the mail, an 'easter treat' she said. and my dad said he'd get me something for when my detox ends, for saturday night when i watch SNL.. chili cheese ruffles chips. they are delightful. odd flavour but i love them, whether that's what they taste like or not, i don't care, they are awesome. i'm pretty sure that's what he's going to get me. and it was his birthday on sunday, he got twenty mini mini chocolate bars.. ten kit kats and ten coffee crisps.. fuck i love both of those! 60 cals each, so with all twenty it's 1200 cals! what the fuck! even if i don't eat them all, god forbid, it's still a lot, adds up quickly.. you think oh, 60 cals isn't bad, but then BAM. you've eaten 600 cals without realising it. ten we'll probably give to my sister, and the other ten.. sigh. i even told him to bring them to his office because he doesn't want them, and he keeps saying oh, no you can have them when you're done the detox, i'll just hide them til then. i'm not worried about cheating my detox, i'm worried about cheating my daily calorie allowance! i'll keep pestering him about bringing them to the office.. i mean he'll probably get me those deliciously awful chips anyway. so, other than that i'm safe.. but having friday and monday off will be difficult. friday not as much because i still have my detox at least! but monday.. who knows where i'll be but there will be temptations. at least if i'm at home i can go on the elliptical as much as i need if i eat junk. if i'm anywhere else; boyfriend's, daddy's, well damn. i will do my best though of course. also saturday we might be drinking.. grr calories. i probably won't get anything, but there'll be temptations anyway and drunk people like junk food. if it's around me some may force some to me or i may fall.. ugh. we'll see how this goes.. but as said if i get to 99 lbs by this friday, i will be even more motivated to be good the rest of the weekend. i'll post what my weight is friday and monday.

i wish i had angel to protect me from temptation..