kiss n tell

so that stupid incident is still haunting me, obviously, i didn't expect it to go anywhere anytime soon, just it won't leave my head.. usually i can get some peace, in decent chunks of time. but lately, namely the past week, it won't leave at all. maybe for a few hours if i'm lucky. people shouldn't, in general, kiss and tell. but in this case, there should not have been any kissing at all. fuck.
so anyway. this past weekend, birthday weekend. not that exciting. at least it was a weekend so i could cheat. friday, milestone's with the boyfriend, his treat of course. shared a tiny plate of bocconcini garluic bread with olive tapenade (delicious but really small portion, good) then grilled chicken pesto fettucine for main course, obviously bad for you, then shared the breakup tub for dessert, their version of a mini tub of cookie dough ice cream, with their own cookie dough made daily. and caramel sauce, yum.
anyway other than that, cheated a lott with just junk in general. oh well. i know the weight i gained is only temporary from the weekend and will disappear before the next one! as usual. every week the end weight is lower and lower though, and with the weekend weight i gain each time, the end weight is still lower and lower. like, usually after a cheat weekend, i'd go from 98 lbs to maybe 100.5 lbs. now, i go from about 96.8 lbs to 98.4 lbs. that's weight my weight this morning. but laxies still took effect after that, so maybe it's 98.2 lbs now. i decided to promise myself to stop laxies during the week, also stopping cheats during the week. now i'm back on slow carb with my mum (super low calorie! and she doesn't even realise it, so i can get away with it perfectly) and then two days per weekend to cheat. and only then, if i really binge bad, can i use laxies. i'm making my supply last til christmas at least. sigh.
as for birthday, i don't feel any older. whatever, i'll probably still say i'm sixteen the next few weeks if people ask how old i am, i'll get used to seventeen soon. mont tremblant weekend this weekend! saturday to monday, yay. hopefullyy my other best friend can come.. one can for sure at least, but it's a bigass room for two people, as my mum will be staying in a separate studio room. maybe i'll upload pictures from the weekend if i can get my sister's camera. then maybe i can take a picture of me finally for you guys to see! hopefully. well study time again.. hating high school!
can't wait to get some amaretto and captain m.