giving in

and coming out stronger.
yesterday, tuesday, i don't know what the hell happened.. next thing i know i was eating everything like mad - not frantically or anyhitng, just a damn lot over the day. what the hell! my sister even left a bag of easter chocolate on my counter that she had left over and said it was for me because i didn't really get an easter - i had more than enough that one night thanks - and i was eating it and eating it and eating it.. another damn lindt gold bunny. that chocolate is just such high quality.. well, i have a new red bracelet with a bell! this one to remind me how awful i felt and how sore my stomach was after that day. going camping tonight with my outdoor ed class, we leave at 1230, so end of lunch basically.. already threw out some of my lunch, because, drum roll please, i decided for the first time to fast! camping should be easy, it's just a one nighter, somewhere pretty close too. a lot of activity, then dinner and the campfire will be the challenge. then breakfast it will be odd to my 'food group' but hey i brought the instant coffee i'll just have more than one cup. now when i say i'm going to fast, i have some different views or ideas.. i can't not eat breakfast. i never ever used to but really it's one of the best things i did for me and my weight loss. i can have one apple a day, so in the morning, an hour or so after i get up. also, i am allowed my crystal light, still just a packet a day, so 10 cals only, then 60 cals for the apple.. i am also allowed celery, as much as i like, but that's it, that's all. i'm doing this today and tomorrow only though, it is actually impossible at my boyfriend's house, which is where i'll be friday evening of course. though he does have soccer that night, a game, that i'm going to watch, so hopefully if i'm lucky he'll eat a really early dinner before we go and i don't have to eat anything. today works, camping and whatever, but i may have some trail mix.. no chocolate in it! just nuts, unsalted too. worst comes to worst i'll have some trail mix tonight. then tomorrow, as much coffee as i can have in the morning, then we're doing activities all day til we get back to school at 1230 once again just after lunch, so i wno't be pressured to eat there, and i'll just rest on the bus and pretend i'm too tired and don't feel like eating. then when i get home i'll just shower, do missed homework, and pretend i'm absolutely exhausted, and go to bed. even if i don't actually fall sleep, i won't have to eat dinner with my family. friday, i'll do the same during the day, but see whathappens with my boyfrined's soccer and all. saturday, i've got a good plan too. i'm going to have a sleepover at my best friend's house, and they always have coffee on - so we'll make a full pot, probably have to make another one after that, and that's what i'll have. an apple for breakfast, and i'll just waste time before i can get a drive over. their dinner, i'll just say i had too much coffee and feel really sick, and eating does not sound appealing to my stomach. we never really eat with her family anyway. also we were planning on going for sushi, so we could walk there (yay exercise) and back, and i even have calorie content of the sushi rolls i like saved in a ntoe on my phone to have with me at all times til i memorise them, so i'll stay under 500 cals. and if we do that, at dinner i'll say i ate too much sushi and am still full. they also always have diet coke, not my coke zero but hey it's still great, so extra caffeine and still 0 cals. this is turning into an awesome plan. even if friday fails, i have saturday to back me up - she also never has anything really to eat in her place, seriously. it's great. alright i better quit while i'm ahead here, dont' want to make too many plans that i won't be able to keep! as for now, my stomach is growling so loudly i'm surprised people around me aren't staring at me, and i'm going to go to starbuck's site to determine best coffee drinks (one of my weaknesses) that are safe for me, so i still get them, and if i'm out with people they won't think i never eat, i'll get starbucks, they'll assume it's all sugary and high cal. only i'll know the real calorie content, and i like that.
i'm liking this.