shots

all i can think of lately is shots. in different meanings, too. my sister's going overseas to visit my mum (so jealous.. even though i spent a year there) and she has to get all these shots, vaccinations, to go there.. and the song shots has been brought up a couple times, and in fact i'm listening to it now. i want some goddamn vodka shots, stat. can't wait for vodka rebull night with my best friend lee (sugar free of course, only 14 cals per can!) with shots of course.
i wish i had posted sooner.. i know i was camping from last wednesday to saturday evening, but i don't like going on here at my house, even though i always clear internet history, and we had monday, yesterday, off for victoria day.. so here i am, tuesday, fat fat tuesday. i should have lost weight camping but somehow i didn'to much goddamn activity, canoeing and portaging all the time, and i barely ate.. i ate one small chicken breast, one small ziploc back of whole wheat spaghetti, and nothing else that i brought. i threw out everything else when i got home. speaking of which, i should empty that garbage tonight before someone does it for me.. anyway so that's all i ate that i brought. i had half a pita cucumber sandwich the first day before setting out in canoes but decided it was goiong bad already.. it was just warm actually but no one had to know. so i threw both those out and left the rest in my bag to whole time. and all the toher food i threw out as said. people kind of forced me to eat, teachers were on my case like crazy because of the work we had to do and the heat we had to endure.. i did get dehydrated, but because i usually have a couple litres of water a day whereas i only had like a litre or half a litre a day.. it was hot, too. and i didn't want to use the 'thunderbox' as much. just google that ahah so gross! anyway so i don't believe i consumed more calories than burned during that trip.. yet when i weighed myself when i got back, the next morning, i had gained 4 lbs, what the fuck fuck fuck. here's to going insane on my schedule til i'm back to at least my average of 98 lbs.. then to my first goal of 96 lbs. sigh. and at least i'm back to my fitness class!
i have to drop out of the competition.. for the best. i've failed miserably, inexplicably. i'm looking into the SBC (skinny bitch challenge) that i discovered on twitter - loving twitter now! joined saturday evening i believe, and discovered the SBC yesterday. looking into it today.. june something to july something. i can do it. i'm wearing shorts today and i feel fucking gross. never again til i know i can do it. also there's this girl i'm sure i've talked about who had ana about three years back.. i so want tot alk to her. just ask basic questions even. i've purposely walked by her locker a few times to find out the number.. i think i've got it. maybe. i'm thinking of leaving a note in it. no names of course.. just something. i have no idea what. if anyone has any ideas for me, that'd be great ahah i don't know what i want to say.. just something like 'i can relate to you' or 'i wish i could openly talk to you, i have so many questions..' and i always purposely make eye contact hoping she'll see something in my stare.. i'll keep trying that, and hopefully i'll think of somethign to write in that note.

revised food plan:
morning
630am-1200pm:
100 cals.
afternoon
1200pm-530pm:
200 cals.
evening
530pm-1100pm:
600 cals.

back to my average of 98 lbs by sunday morning. can? definitely.
break the 97 lbs barrier by exams? damn straight.