poprocks and coke

minus the poprocks, of course.
i think i may be addicted to coke zero. i have one little can left.. and my boyfriend got me a bottle on friday, so i had half of it then and the second half on saturday, yesterday.. now i have one little can left.. and i really don't want to drink it! i know i won't be allowed to have more anytime soon unless a miracle happened. but i do have this other stuff in my fridge, of course it only has a third of it left too, it's President's Choice (from loblaws or independent) 'free&clear', flavoured carbonated water. 0 cals of course. my favourite is black cherry (tastes amazing with cherry flavoured vodka!) but all i have now is lime, which is of course still yummy. i'll have that in small doses til i cave and drink my coke.
wish i posted sooner than this, i've just been so busy.. which is good, food distractions, but bad because i tend to lose sight of my goals.. didn't get to weigh myself this morning before drinking anything, but i got to yesterday, and i was sadly at 97.5 lbs.. of course that's still good, but considering i was 97 lbs last week, i'm only a .5 lbs further away from my goal to break the barrier.. at least i have a plan for today. on weekends when my dad is up at his house he's renovating, he usually comes home and either makes something small for dinner or throws in a frozen pizza, or now that the sun's out a lot later, he expects me to have eaten sometimes because he comes home later. so its perfect for me to just say that i've already eaten when he comes home.. of course there has to be some evidence of that, so i can just easily say whatever i've eaten in the day - some hummus and some PC sea salt 'brown rice crisps' - and i might have to make something up as well as i don't really plan on eating much more.. i don't know what i should tell him. i'll figure something out, i always do. i don't even feel that hungry even, yay. i think i can go the rest of the day with nothing else except maybe a cup of popcorn, about 20 cals only. under 400 cals for the day! sweet. that .5 lbs is really getting to me. just 1 lbs more and i will be so happy. so, by this coming weekend, i will have lost that little 1 lbs that will make a huge difference in how i feel. i even have a little motivation! i checked AE (american eagle) online, and they do have 000 that you can order but i couldn't see any today.. but when i find some 000 there, i will order them online as you can't buy them in stores and i will fit into them. my ultimate goal is to get ae 000 white skinnies.. i can't even explain how amazing i would feel in those! just.. amazing! so i need those. and i will get them.
also there is this girl in my school, my grade, who was even in one of my classes for the first time ever last semester.. who had anorexia in grade eight. that was the first time she was ever in my class though so i never really knew about it or anything, but in class we'd always kind of stare at each other from across the room.. we always made eye contact for some reason, always. and even now if we do happen to cross paths we make odd eye contact, like it lasts a little too long for usual glances.. like she recovered and everything over two years ago, but i wonder if she can tell. i'm going to start wearing a pink bracelet for ednos and try to get her to notice it, see if she reacts in any way to it.. if she does then i'll know she could tell something's been up all year with me. if she doesn't react then it was all just an odd coincidence i guess, but it would be really nice to have somebody know what was really up with me without having to say anything, to just have someone understand.. i'm thinking of creating a fake fb account to message her and confess to her, without identifying myself, just so i will have told someone who understands, and then that will be that, i don't need to do anything further there. i'm just too curious for my own good.
anyway i know i'm supposed to do my 'sunday morning' post but i feel awful about my week and it was so hectic i don't even remember half the things i ate.. i don't think i'll continue those posts, but i'll just try to mark down things i've eaten each day or estimate a calorie total, etc. i feel too bad about my week and i know this won't be the only time, so i'll give up on those already. instead, i'll just keep track with myself.
it's a new month, summer is really close to fully shining, and i am really close to my ultimate goal. in some ways, life is good! in other ways, i'll make it better. here's to fasting for the rest of the day (minus plain popcorn) and watching thinspo tv shows and going on the elliptical! hello, may, you're going to be a good month for me.